Tuesday, September 02, 1997
12:21 PM

There was no writing yesterday
I could not
Consumed by frustration
My understanding of human interaction not what I thought it was
I expect people to be like myself
They are not
Am I wrong to be disappointed by this?
Is it expecting too much of the world
To think that people around me should have the same expectations?

I know that I can no longer wait for life to come to me
That is an eternal wait
Many people spend their entire existence waiting for life
To be truly alive you have to actively seek it
A constant pursuit of what is around the next corner
No excuses
No reasons why not

This is the dilemma
The ones that are around me repeat the same words
"I don't have the money, I don't have the time"
"I don't have a car, I don't have a job"
I don't
I don't
I don't

I no longer can waste my life waiting for people that "don't"
So what
What do you have?
If we are to take the journey of life together
As friends, as lovers, or as family
We must think of what we do have
Stop thinking of yourself so much
The world is bigger than your problems
It's bigger than ours

Yesterday someone that only knows me through type assumed me to be older than I am
This happens too often
It always has
As I explained to them my feelings
My frustration
They thought these were the feelings of someone middle aged
1/23/75 was my response
I feel like I have done nothing
I look at my peers and see them doing so much
Justin, actors, actresses, musicians, business owners
What have I done?
Just another face in the crowd
I feel like I'm getting too old
Life is passing me by
People I should have graduated college with are starting their careers
I have been at the same job, same position, for two years
I hate it
I find no enjoyment in my work, no creative outlet

Everyone around me keeps saying to be patient
Slow down
I have only seventy or so years
Probably less the way I have been smoking recently
There is so much I want to do
More than that; there is so much I must do
I can not be apathetic
I can not wait any longer
I will not surrender my life to their comfort zone